I have found the highest form of procrastination: writing a blog post about procrastination. Before my talk at the web SIG last week I performed a highly advanced procrastination dance. I’m pretty proud of the level of procrastination I achieved. It was approaching procrastination nirvana. It went something like:

1. Scratch out notes about what to talk about
2. Read notes and decide they are incoherent
3. Drink cup of coffee to stay awake
4. Drink glass of wine to relax
5. Drink another cup of coffee to counteract wine
6. House project – fix broken door
7. Check email
8. Respond to email in action folder from two weeks ago “just to knock a few items off the list”
9. Read news
10. See what Tivo speculatively recorded
11. Find out Tivo recorded the comic Steven Wright
12. Feel obligated to watch Steven Wright, given Tivo was correctly guessed I would want to watch it
13. Attempt to write talk in style inspired by Steven Wright. Fail miserably.
14. Decide to just wing it
15. Decide there is a better way to fix the door
16. Re-fix the door
17. Decide winging it would violate the boy scout ethic “always be prepared”
18. Remember never actually becoming a boy scout due to getting kicked out of cub scouts as a Webelos
19. What heck is a Webelos anyway? Perform web research.
20. Realize Webelos was one step away from boy scout. Ponder how this failure impacted my “sense of self.”
21. Wonder why weeblos.com (a misspelling of Webelos), a site for scouting resources, has pictures of a dessert island on the front page
22. Drink a cup of coffee
23. Drink a glass of wine
24. Read news in case somebody posted something
25. Decide to catch up on engaget
26. Decide catching up on engaget would be next to impossible
27. Remember speakers are suppose to wear all black to the talk in the theme of “The Matrix”
28. Search closet, only find black velvet pants
29. Decide maybe Neo had black velvet pants but never wore them because the situation never presented itself
30. Write blog post on procrastination
31. Drink a glass of wine
32. Decide to wing it, go to bed